There can be nothing more
embarrassing than one of your husband’s friends, and a good family
friend, witness your man’s weakness for the bottle. Seki, a usually
bubbly mother of two is a social friend I enjoy touching base with from
time to time. She’s always struck me as a discontent woman in spite of
her happy disposition. In one of our usual chin-wags, she let it slip
that her husband was a chronic alcoholic. “Better than a wife-batterer, I
tried to console her.
But she quickly reminded me that most violent men were at their worst
when they’d too much to drink. She’d confessed that Arthur, her
husband, had always loved a tipple in their courting days: “And I was
his good companion,” she continued. “We were all young and carefree
then. It is just that, as I and all our friends grew older and settled
down, Arthur didn’t want to.
“On the two occasions I was pregnant, he’d happily left me alone at
home so he could do the round of the clubs. That was when I realised
just what alcohol meant to him…” She finally had to face the fact that
Arthur was a now a chronic alcoholic when he blew their house-rent on
booze. “The landlord kept on pestering us to pay and I was livid,” she
said. “I felt sorry for him in the end because he was genuinely
contrite. He managed to raise the money but that left pretty little for
the festive periods and the get-together we had planned, so we invited a
few friends over and asked them to bring whatever items they wanted to
contribute to the party. Most of them brought booze and the way Arthur
eyed the bottles, he looked like a kid in a candy bar! A few hours
later, he was urging everybody to drink and be merry as he started on
his first drink.
“The problem was that whilst others sipped theirs, he gulped his. By
the time the last but one guest left, he was crashed out unconscious on
the sofa. Amechi, the only guest left and a childhood friend of his
looked embarrassed as he watched Arthur lying undignifying on the sofa,
snoring. ‘I tried to warn him to slow down but he wouldn’t listen’, he
said. ‘How have you put up with him all these years? he asked. I
shrugged. It was none of his business and I wasn’t ready to discuss my
matrimonial problems with any of Arthur’s friends.
“But Amechi hung around to help me clear up. As I started stashing
mugs and plates in the sink, he came and stood behind me. He was so
close I couldn’t even turn round ‘if I were married to a lovely girl
like you, I wouldn’t swap her for a bottle of beer, not to talk of
falling asleep on you’. I couldn’t say a word as I felt his breath on my
neck, then we were in each others’ arms, kissing. Guiltily, I realised
where I was and what I was doing—I was kissing my husband’s childhood
friend with him just a room away. But we’d both reached a point of no
return. Sensing the urgency of the moment, he lifted me up onto the
kitchen table and hitched my knickers to a side. My legs were round his
waist, crossing them at the ankles, as we made fast and furious love. It
was a long time Arthur and I had had any intimacy and the frustration
showed.
“I kept my eyes open because I was facing the door, terrified Arthur
would come in any minute. Only he didn’t —we virtually got away with
murder! When we got back to the living room, Arthur was still snoring,
oblivious of what just happened! We should do that again soon’, Amechi
smirked. But that wasn’t the answer. As incredible as our romp had been —
dangerous, erotic—he was no substitute to my husband’s love. We’ve had a
few romps more since then but I’ve told him it had to stop. Somehow. I
have to find a way of whining my husband off the bottle…”
Easier said than done, but I wished her luck. I’ve often said it that
proximity is often a death knell to fidelity. The closer your partner’s
friend is to the family, the easier for them to spot your vulnerability
and zero in. A most hilarious incident happened some few months ago.
Fola a close friend was dead keen on Veronica who is a regular visitor
to my flat. Both of them were married but it was an open secret that
none of the marriages was faithful. Fola put much pressure on me that I
eventually agreed for both of them to meet at my place.
They seemed to be getting on real fine as I made an excuse to dash
down to get a few items before the shops closed. ‘No hanky panky’, I
warned as I left them! My bedroom door was firmly bolted and the
house-help was left at their beck and call. I was a bit surprised when I
saw the help coming to the house, clutching some inconsequential items.
‘Auntie and her friend said I should get these for them’, he said. What
was going on? As I rushed in, I met the pair watching the box and
chatting away like old friends.
“That friend of yours is a rough-neck,” Veronica said, when I picked
her call the next day. My ears perked up. “As soon as you left”, she
continued, “he was all over me kissing me urgently and mauling me.
Before, I knew what hit me, he’d pinned me down on the sofa and had his
way with me. When he sent your house help on a wild goose chase, I
thought it was to allow us to at least kiss and cuddle and get to know
each other better—not knowing I was left alone with a rapist!” I didn’t
know what to make of her tirade.
Promising to get to the bottom of things, I called Fola, my friend.
He was in an up-beat mood, “you were the one who planted the idea of a
quickie in my head,” he accused. “I meant to be a gentleman but when you
warned there should be no hanky-panky, I realized there was the
possibility. As soon as the coast was clear, I went in for the kill…”
But don’t you think you were a bit uncouth…” “Oh, cut it out. We’re both
married, surely, we weren’t expecting any courtship or anything? So, I
moved in too fast. But I intend to give her a romantic dinner or an
expensive present soon if those would make me look more of a gentleman.
At least we had fun downing the nice bottle of wine I brought with me.”
“Aren’t you putting the cart before the horse?”, I asked him. “Don’t
think so,” he said, smugly. “Whatever her grouse, I’d scored with her.”
That really got my goat. Was he still living in the dark ages? The days
when sleeping with a woman as a sort of conquest is gone. These days,
women are as predatory as their male counterparts. Ravishing a date at
the slightest opportunity, so you could put notch on your bedpost is
just not it!
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